I’ve seen Your beauty displayed in magnificent ways. Colors painted across the sky displaying Your majesty. Snow peaked mountain tops reaching towards Heaven's own display. But nothing compares to the beauty You’ve now created inside of me. You’ve turned my misery into windswept plains of grace and peace. Painted my soul with the colors of true joy!

Can these dead man's bones live ?

It's a question that must be answered

It's a pondering that must find resolve

It's more than a philosophy

It begs to be known - to be lived.

Being known by the Father is the greatest thing this life has to offer. I have known many loves - but none that compare. The One in which all hope stems from. From Whom all beautiful things flow from. We spend so much time on this side of eternity - looking to be known, understood, and accepted by a human, yet this quest is fruitless and futile because we're really in search for The One. Looking and longing to know and to be known by the only One that matters. Yet how do we waste so much time?

This new dawning is one I have patiently waited for. A day marked from the beginning of time. When I tended to you in your mother’s womb, I knew this season was dawning. I knew the moment you would choose again. That you would choose to keep climbing. That you would choose to take My hand and ascend to the higher heights.

Trauma Haunted

It seems so often to be a reality, to be haunted by the things that taunt our souls, that goad and prod against the sweet spot we’ve come to know. Is there any hope when living in this reality? Is stability something we can actually achieve, when at any given moment a wind of shame, grief, guilt or blame can sweep us off our feet? It’s hard to be hopeful in such a reality. It’s hard to keep working towards freedom when we still believe this haunting is just part of living. But what if it’s not entirely true, no matter what our experience has “proven”? What if there’s a missing link, one we’ve left out of the equation?

I AM who I’ve always been. Do you know Me?

You’re the God who holds me, the One who knows me. You’re the God who fights for me, dreams for me, enlightens me with all You see! You’re the God who rescued me, pulled me from hopelessness into the light, set my feet on solid ground and led me through the wilderness until I was found. You are all of this and more!

What would they say if they found me lost in wonder?

What would they do if they saw I had eyes for only You?

Would they see that I'm ruined for any other love?

Would I be judged or scorned—called names like cult,

too much, too deep...simply because I loved You?

I’m reminded of when Jacob wrestled (Gen 32). Reminded because it feels as if something is clinging to me, has a hold on me and won’t let go. But what is its goal? What is its intention? Is it seeking blessing or seeking to destroy me? Perhaps, like Jacob this is not what it first seems.

He soon found that the One he wrestled was not what he feared, but divinity come close. Close! So close that he would now refuse to let go! Refuse to let go of what he first feared! Refuse to let go of what had first grabbed hold of him!

Who is clinging to whom? Is it me? Is it You? Is it the nations You’ve been crying out to? The secret space they don’t let anyone see or touch. The places that feel utterly alone, but not from neglect. From choice. From self protection. From self…self…self…all that is driven by “self.”

There is no mercy in “self” for humanity seems driven to self-destruction when left to its “self.” All the while a Savior weeps!

In the wine making process, the wine is bottled and allowed to sit. While sitting, sediment in the wine begins to settle at the bottom of the bottle. This sediment is not entirely bad. In fact, it is contributing to the flavor of the wine. It is itself part of the original fruit, not foreign or a contaminant. One could argue it belongs in the bottle.

At just the right time, the wine-maker will pour the wine off of its dregs and into a new bottle. The process begins again, creating a more purified and refined flavor of wine with each new bottle. 

"His flavor remains in him...His scent has not changed..." (Jeremiah 48:11)

The value of the POURING OUT PROCESS and the COST of resisting it.

Is it the RIGHT of humanity to stay the same?

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

Is this the power of Your breath Abba? That as You simply breathe, You are restoring order, unwinding every calamity to be aligned once again with Your dream. 

“I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living”

Not only will I see it

I will be it

I will be the goodness

The hunger in me cries out to the innermost places of you

The rooms no one has bothered to visit

The ones no one has asked to see

the ones in waiting for a hunger the world has yet to see

I am amazed at what God is doing on the earth right now. The way He is exposing evil AND even better, opening our eyes to TRUTH. His TRUTH, His WAYS! The writing is appearing on the wall so to speak, about how He intended humanity to function and fulfill great purpose in this world for His Kingdom. The revelation is awe inspiring! The size of the doors swinging wide-open is jaw dropping!

The distance of our vision now extending further into eternity is making way for dreams that far exceed anything we've ever pursued before! Humanity is on the brink of GREATNESS! Not of our own doing, but purely out of the great wave of His Spirit being released!

NEGLECT - LET ME TEND TO YOU

Daughter, Sweet sweet sweet daughter. Your sweetness has been neglected in a sense. You’ve hardened yourself for battle lately and neglected to tend to the garden we are growing together. You need this time with Me, this roaming the paths we travel with no specific place or thing to achieve. You need the slow pace where your heart finds its rest with Me. You need to calm your inner world to connect with Me. I will show You how. Will you trust Me?

How I celebrate!! How I take such joy in your heart. I have seen every moment that life felt as if it was crushing you. I have felt the pain and I have felt the sting of words spoken. I have felt your longing to know Me. I have stored your tears. I have treasured your joyous laughs and fun filled moments. Your experience on Earth is not one I chose to remove Myself from. I am painfully aware of the betrayal while also aware of the faithfulness of your choices and decisions.

Papa, I need You today. I have a longing, a deep longing within me. I need You. I need You. My heart is heavy or perhaps it’s weak. Perhaps it has grown dry and needs a deeper drink of you today. I feel all the usual sands of time caving in around this opening. I believe it’s an opening for You, one You have perhaps opened me up to. So I don’t want this sand to fill a hole it was never meant to know. This need I feel is meant to be filled by You and You alone. It’s meant to be satisfied with something richer than time or tasks. It’s meant to be filled with something more extravagant, something of more depth and color. It’s meant to be filled with Your living waters.

You’re pulling the curtain back Jesus! I can feel You! I can see it! I see Your fingers gripping what You’re pulling back! I see Your fingers taking hold of that which has been blocking, obstructing, hiding, disguising, shadowing, blurring. I see You Jesus! I see You Jesus! The veil was torn long ago! With the power of Your great sacrifice You tore open the heavens releasing the hope for the nations! Access! Access to the heavenlies!

Papa, I feel you breathing on me, with abundance, grace and sufficiency. I feel the rain of your love flooding over me, washing away the disappointments of broken dreams. I feel you coming to say,

“I am the burden bearer. I carry the weight.

Tune my heart to see the possibilities of Heaven displayed through me! Tune my heart to dream of the good You have in store for me! Tune my heart to believe that You already have an army marching towards me, for me, to protect and fight for the seed of Your delight in me!!!

“Daughter/Son, My delight, the true apple of My eye, You’ve tapped into abundance with your request today!! You’ve tapped into the abundant life I promised! This is how you experience My glory every day! “

Papa, come and take these restraints! These self imposed barriers to your way! Forgive me, I did not know what I was building when I put them in place! Let you glory flow! Let your glory flow in FREEDOM in this place! Come and rush like a wind across these plains! Come and flood me once again with your love! Let no barrier, no walls or borders I’ve made restrict your flow! Come and enjoy the freedom you’re owed! Flow, flow flow!!

Holy One, Holy One, my words fall short in bringing You the glory You deserve! To speak or stay silent, I wonder in this moment which is more appropriate. Which is more fitting when entertaining Your Majesty! Your greatness overwhelms me! Your vast expanse, Your majestic stand, over all time, over all space! The grandness of Your every plan! Your hand stretches out over all time and space and yet You come every time to invade mine. This small plot of time, this infinitely small speck of existence in Your majestic plan. You call delightful!

Papa, my heart is filled overwhelmed with gratitude! Deep, deep heartfelt thankfulness! Deep, deep gratefulness! For all I haven’t known, the vast expanse I couldn’t see, didn’t understand, the ever growing sea of mystery always seeming so distant to me, there’s one thing I was destined to know. One thing I was destined to know beyond a shadow of a doubt. A knowing given purely as a gift to me. A knowing that was greater than every other mystery! A knowing born of Your great mercy and love for me! A knowing that would forever serve me! A knowing that would forever lead me! The Holy One, the one voice of truth, I knew! I knew! I knew!

Orphans pretending to be kings. Where is the authenticity? Why I am grieved with the hands holding My treasures? Is this a temple for a King or a place for old burnt offerings?

My heart is grieved to see the orphan standing for Me, when all I ask is for them to receive from Me. To receive My Fathering. To receive My freely given offering.

I never needed you to do it alone. I never needed you to have strength on your own. I never needed you to prove ability to Me. I never needed you to own something just for the sake of proving responsibility. I only needed you to receive fathering from Me, to be a son or daughter to Me. This must come first. This must be established above all else. There is no kingship, no royalty in children without a Father.

1-28-22

My heart is grieved. My heart is troubled by this rippling sorrow. This disconnect, this misdirect. This grievance against our intimacy.

Where did you go? You were just here, present with Me. I’m leaning. I thought you were clinging, but no. No longer present. Where did you go? Where is my heart’s companion?

10-30-21

How extravagant is Your design! I want to know Your hope! Renew my mind! Renew my mind Jesus! Renew my mind! All my hope is in You. I know You hold it all. All my hope is in You. I know You have it all. Every drop of peace, every bit of wisdom that I seek. I know it's in You. I know You have it all. No matter where I travel, no matter the situation that arises in this life, I know You hold the answers. I know You have pure sight. I want to see like You! I want to feel like You do!

Daughter/Son, you’ve been living on an island of exile, when I’ve given you the promised land. I’m too big to live in such a small place. You won’t experience My fullness in that place. You won’t find the more of Me on that island of exile. You weren’t stranded there. You were told it was the safe place, but now you know that it is but a shadow of the greater thing. My life of abundance can’t be found there. My life of abundance, of overflowing joy and delight, is found in the fullness of life as I designed.

What I hear You saying…

I can break through those strictures of doubt and unbelief and bring freedom to my heart, freedom to Christ within me, by dreaming bigger dreams with You! The more I inflate the dream, the more I inflate the imagination, the more freedom I will experience! You are telling me to hold You to a higher standard than my insecurities. Wow! You are telling me that doing so, will bring breakthrough and freedom!!!

A shroud I didn’t give to you. Our covenant exchange didn’t give you clothes from the grave. I wore thorns to give you a crown of gold. I was pierced in My side to give you a cleft in which to hide. I hung naked on a cross so you could receive a glorious covering. My divine strength was set aside so you would never have to walk without it by your side. A shroud was placed over My eyes so you could live with unveiled sight.

Justice is served! Justice is served, when I bring Him my burdens, my heavy loads. I lay them down at His feet confessing my heart, my pain, my grief. I lay them down, bringing my burdens to my King. I express my need, with nothing held back. I fully expose the depth of what’s weighing on my soul. The cause of the tension. The cause of the strife.

As they pierced Your own

You saw the lines in my hands

You saw the way they’d be held up to You

Emptied of all they’d ever seen or known

There’s a secret fountain deep inside. Its waters ebb and flow like a tide. Pulling away and providing at the same time. Washing and softening, giving perspective and insight, but mostly nurturing the heart and mind. Its a secret place for the subtle surgeries needed in life. It’s where He comes to meet me, to offer the water of life.